pretzelcoatlus:

rakaakakka-fili-kili-bowtie:

danyul-and-filup:

princess-hardy:

what if we are reincarnated when we die and when we’re babies we still remember who we used to be and that’s why we cry so much as babies, because of how our old lives are gone ..and the older we get we start to forget who we used to be in a previous life.

well fuck

#And the calm and quiet babies who don’t cry are people who had really bad lives and are just grateful for a second chance

(Source: mrchrispine, via jadenraee)

cumsquats:

im suing god bc of my face

(via hyena-laugh)

thernardier:

“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes

(Source: kawhoru, via hyena-laugh)

feefeeri:

so i bumped into this kid i used to go to school with 3 years below me down at the train station today and i somehow managed to make him buy me a watermelon from the grocery store

but then i took it one step further and convinced him that we needed party hats
for both us and the watermelon

i’ve barely even spoken to this kid before in my life and he did exactly what i said without hesitation

(via hyena-laugh)

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(via jadenraee)

milkouji:

my Son (places hand on your shoulder) (places other hand on your shoulder) (places hand on your head) (places other hand on your head) (places hand on your hip) (places other hand on your hip) eh macarena 

(via gnarly-quinn)

Sex is so weird like hey I love you let me stick my hard extra limb into your tiny hole and then slam it into you repeatedly because I love you

(Source: ourtwistedfuckingstory, via trill-out)

foxnewsofficial:

tumblr would be a playground for psychologists

(Source: foxnewsofficial, via laughbitches)

canadumb:

being a teenager was the worst choice i ever made 

(via laughbitches)

snapchatting:

*points at ur attention* give me that

(via laughbitches)

buttlid:

wanna make a secret handshake it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours

(via gayyay-deactivated20130520)

internetmessiah:

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

(via carolineflack)