penice:

hungarian:

sleeping naked is very dangerous bc if someone breaks into your house at night it would be very embarrassing to fight him off while naked

image



shikajika:

ive finally found the symbol that fits my gender

image



parkingstrange:

pleatedjeans:

[article]

me



awwww-cute:

I asked my friend if she was having a good day today. All she replied with was this



vanehwasreal:

i aM FUCKING HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER

"at my school the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see ‘em and they got passed back the cop had 4"



carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

crispychocolate:

serkret:

god i hope my history teacher doesnt get extremely offended by this

we have to adapt a story to be about something weve been studying and read it to the class

my group is doing the very hungry hitler

 image

OH MY GOD

so hitler took poland

but he was still hungry



spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace:

I read the tweet, and then I read the username.



nuggetfucker98:

I SIGNED A PETITION TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. IF I HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, IT WAS TO HELP TURN THIS ONE PARK IN VANCOUVER CANADA INTO DUDE CHILLING PARK



coolscar:

They’re evolving



leightimtam:

leightimtam:

NONO NO NO NO SO I HAD CLASS WITH MY LIT TEACHER TODAY AND HIS LEFT ARM IS AMPUTATED FROM JUST BELOW THE ELBOW AND HE WAS HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE PUTTING THE PAPERS ON HIS DESK INTO HIS BREIF CASE AT THE END OF THE CLASS AND I GO TO HIM AND SAY “YOU NEED A HAND?” AND ITS SILENT AND I JUST WHISPER OH NO AND HE STARTS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY I WAS SO EMBARASSED

Who reblogged his

Why are there so many notes





rlyhigh:

saevuswinds:

vardaesque:

you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started

Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself.  So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left. 

i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing



baconsloth:

deoxyhemoglobin:

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him

I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”

and he went dead silent

had the opportunity and fucking seized it





akkeyroomi:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Tumblr and Puns

WHY AM I SO AMUSED